‘31가지 체위’ 따윈 없는 섹스이야기

여행과 섹스. 그리고 글쓰기를 좋아해서 [야하고 이상한 여행기]를 쓰고 있습니다. 서른한 번째 여름을 기다리고 있습니다. ◈twitter:@babamba11
BY : 김얀 | 2012.01.26 | 덧글수(40) | 트랙백수 (218)
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섹스.

결혼도 하지 않은 여자의 입에서 이 단어가 자연스럽게 나오는 걸 보면 대부분 사람은 ‘이 여자가 오늘 뭘 잘 못 먹었나?’라는 표정으로 눈을 동그랗게 뜨거나 아니면 ‘아니, 이 여자 대체 정체가 뭐야?’라고 놀란다.

나는 지금부터 이 페이지의 끝까지 섹스에 관한 이야기를 할 것이므로 대부분 사람의 첫 궁금증에 대한 답을 먼저 하기로 한다.

‘이 여자야, 당신은 오늘 뭘 잘 못 먹었나?’ ㅡ 저는 지금으로부터 1시간 전, 아침 겸 점심을 먹었습니다. 전자레인지에서 3분이면 뚝딱 완성되는 카레를 검은콩이 들어간 쌀밥에 비벼 먹었습니다. 같이 사는 친구가 어제저녁 끓여 준 된장국도 먹었고요. 그리고 지금 모니터 앞에 앉아 이 글을 쓰면서 따뜻한 녹차 한 잔을 마시고 있는데 기분 좋은 포만감 외에 별다른 문제도 없으니 오늘 특별히 뭘 잘 못 먹은 것은 없는 듯합니다.

‘뭐, 그렇다면 대체 당신 정체가 뭐야?’ ㅡ 저는 서울시 동작구 사당동에 사는 서른한 살의 미혼 여자입니다. 글쎄요, 제 또래의 미혼 여자와의 차이점이라고 한다면 그녀들이 출근할 때(혹은 그녀의 남편들이 출근할 때) 저는 이불 속에서 뒹굴 거리며 섹스에 관한 생각을 하다가 남들 퇴근할 때쯤 그 생각들을 모아 글을 쓰는 일을 하고 있습니다. 보통 사람들이 머릿 속에서 하는 야한 생각을 말로 표현하고 글로 쓰는 일을 하는 것. 네, 저는 섹스칼럼을 쓰는 여자입니다.

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나의 섹스칼럼에 대해서.

작년 여름. 서른 살의 생일을 맞이하여 본격적으로 내가 좋아하는 일을 하며 살아보자고 결심했다. 그것이 내가 가장 받고 싶은 선물이었고, 그것을 줄 수 있는 사람은 결국 나밖에 없다는 것을 알았다. 이것은 어떻게 생각하면 간단한 일이었고 또 다르게 생각하면 꽤 복잡한 일이기도 했다.

‘사람이라면 기술을 배워야 한다.’ ‘기술을 배우면 굶어 죽진 않는다.’라는 부모님의 권유로 나는 지방의 어느 전문대 치기공과에 입학/졸업했다. 역시나 어른들의 말은 틀리지 않았다. 기술을 배웠으므로 나는 토익이나 자기소개서, 입사시험 없이 무사히 취직했고, 다른 직장인들만큼의 월급을 받고 살았기 때문에 다행히 굶어 죽진 않았다. 적성에 맞는 일은 아니었지만 그렇다고 출근하는 것이 죽을 만큼 싫었던 것도 아니었기 때문에 졸업 후 거의 쉬지 않고 일을 했다. 그리고 퇴근 후에는 주로 집에서 책을 읽었다.

그렇게 20대가 흘러가고 어느덧 서른이란 나이가 되었다. 그리고 ‘책 속에 답이 있다’라는 말을 조금씩 실감하기 시작했다. 그런데 그동안 내가 읽었던 책들을 종합해 보면 ‘본인이 진정으로 즐거워하는 일을 하며 살아라.’고 했다. 정말 그 어느 책에서도 ‘부모가 시키는 대로 인생을 살아라.’또는 ‘더럽고 치사해도 곧 있을 월급을 생각하며 참고 살아라.’라고 말하는 책은 없었다.

우리는 부모님 세대처럼 전쟁과 피난을 겪지도 않았고 그러고 보면 요즘 굶어 죽었다는 사람을 찾기란 하늘의 별 따기다.이 사실에 대해서 부모님 세대에게는 감사해야 할 일이 분명하지만, 그렇다고 우리 부모님 세대의 눈에 맞춰 살 필요는 없다. 부모님께서 나를 낳아주신 것은 감사하지만, 우리 부모님께서 돌아가신다고 나도 따라 죽을 수 없는 것처럼 말이다. 나는 나대로 더 즐겁고 행복하게 사는 것이 부모님을 위한 길일 것이다.

자, 그럼 어디 한 번 내가 원하는 대로 살아보자! 일단 먼저 직장을 그만뒀다. 그리고 낯선 나라로 배낭여행을 했다. 여행에서 돌아와선 아예 가족들이 있던 집에서 나와 영등포의 여섯 평짜리 방 하나를 얻어 독립이라는 것도 했다. 그리고는 온종일 생각해봤다. 내가 좋아하는 것은 뭘까? 내가 즐거워하는 일은 뭘까? 내가 가진 재능은 또 뭘까? 서른 살에 이런 생각을 처음으로 해봤다는 건 다행인 건가, 불행인 건가.

그렇게 며칠 밤을 고민해서 얻은 결론은 나는 여행과 섹스 그리고 책을 좋아한다는 것이었다. 그럼 다시 머리를 굴려본다. 이것을 내 업으로 삼고 돈을 벌 수 있을까? 며칠 밤을 다시 고민하니 가장 그럴싸한 방법이 나왔다. 그렇다면 내가 여행했던 곳에 대한 여행기와 내가 좋아하는 사람과의 섹스에 관한 이야기를 바탕으로 한 섹스칼럼을 써서 책을 써야겠다는 결심을 했다.

 이제 실행에 옮길 차례. 먼저 내 블로그와 블로그 홍보를 위한 트위터 계정을 만들었다. 예전처럼 골방에 들어앉아 글을 쓰고, 출판사의 허락을 기다리는 것이 아니라 스스로 홍보하고, 그것이 예비독자의 마음을 움직이고 입소문이 나면 내가 원하는 출판사에서 먼저 나를 찾아오는 것. 이것이 바로 우리 부모님세대와는 결정적으로 다른 우리 세대의 방식이다. 그리고 이런 결심을 했던 그 서른 번째 여름부터 오늘까지 불과 몇 개월 동안 나의 트위터 팔로워 수는7,000명이 넘었다. 조금 다른 시각으로 쓴 나의 여행기와 섹스칼럼은 놀랄만큼 많은 관심을 받게 되어 지금 이곳에서 글을 쓰게 되었다.

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사실 나의 섹스 칼럼은 여느 주부 잡지처럼 바람난 남편을 되돌릴만한 31가지 체위에 대한 이야기는 없다.

어느 남성 잡지들처럼 현실인지 꿈인지 알 수 없는 소설 같은 이야기도 없다. 그냥 내가 만나 왔던 남자들과의 관계 시에서 경험했던 일이나 그때 느꼈던 감정에 대해 솔직하게 썼을 뿐이다. 그렇다고 내가 대단히 많은 경험이 있는 것도 아니고(나는 성을 사고판 적이 없고, 유부남을 만나서 그 가족을 괴롭게 한 적도 없다.) 특별한 기교가 있는 것도 아니다. 거기에 약간의 상상력과 평상시 누구나 해 볼 법한 상상력을 더 한 것이었다. 해리포터 시리즈를 쓰는 조앤 K. 롤링이 마법을 부릴 수 없음에도 멋진 마법 소설을 쓰는 것처럼.

따지고 보면 누구나 겪어왔고 한 번쯤 상상해봤을 법한 일이었을 텐데 생각해보니 누구도 말을 해 주는 사람이 없었던 것 같다는 생각이 든다. 예를 들면 첫 경험 때 콘돔을 어떻게 착용해야 하는지 서로 몰라 당시의 남자친구와 머뭇대다가 몇 번이고 실패했던 이야기. 또 하나는 어디서 누구에게 무슨 이야기를 듣고 온 것인지 다짜고짜 홍콩행으로 보내주겠다며 검지와 중지를 교차해서 달려들던 남자 때문에 홍콩은커녕 질염 때문에 동네 산부인과를 지긋지긋하게 다녔던 일. 자꾸만 “좋았어? 좋았어?”라고 묻는 통에 “사실 잘 모르겠는데.”라고 솔직하게 말했다가 서로가 어색해져 버렸던 이야기 등등. 사실 따지고 보면 누구나 한 번쯤은 겪어 봤을 일이었을 텐데 이런 글에 많은 동감과 응원을 주는 사람들을 생각해보니 사실 이런 이야기를 해 주는 사람이 흔치는 않은 것 같다.

사실, 결혼한 사람들은 일상처럼 하는 것이 섹스이고, 또 어떤 사람들은 편의점에서 담배를 사듯 욕망과 돈을 바꾸고 성을 사고팔기도 한다. 지금 이 순간에도 어떤 이들은 누군가를 상상하며 마스터베이션을 하고 있기도 할 것이고, 또 어떤 이들은 인터넷에 떠도는 유명인의 섹스비디오를 찾고 있을 것이다. 그게 아니더라도 어떤 식으로든 하루에도 몇 번씩 섹스에 관한 상상을 하고 살 텐데, 왜 그것에 대해 자연스럽게 이야기를 하는 것에 놀라고 혹은 천박하다고 생각하는지 모르겠다.

섹스에 관한 이야기를 입 밖으로 꺼내기가 쉽지 않은 사회이다 보니, 더욱 안타까운 것은 알몸으로 몸을 섞으며 섹스를 하는 파트너끼리도 섹스에 관해서 솔직하게 이야기를 하지 못하고 있다는 것이다. 그러니 남자들은 솔직한 여자의 마음을 알 수가 없었기 때문에 포르노 속 여자의 말이나 행동만을 믿고 따라 하게 되고, 여자들은 그저 남자의 밑에서 바비큐 통닭처럼 매달려 거짓 신음을 만들어 내면서 섹스가 어서 끝나기만을 기다리고 있게 되는 것이다.

 사실 지금도 이것 때문에 문제가 되어 헤어지거나 이혼을 생각하는 사람들이 있을 것이고, 이것 때문에 조금 더 깊은 사이로 발전되는 커플이 있을 것이다. 따지고 보면 섹스란 일상이고 삶이고, 좋아하는 사람과의 섹스는 낭만적인 것인데 그것에 대해 말하는 것에 대해서 왜 눈치를 봐야하나? 결혼도 안 한 여자가 섹스에 대해 이야기를 하는 것이 이상하게 생각될 것이 아니라, 길거리에는 유흥업소와 안마방, 심지어는 키스방이라는 우스꽝스러운 이름의 가게들이 어느새 편의점만큼이나 많이 자리한 것에 대해 이상하게 생각할 필요가 있다.
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사랑하는 사람과의 즐거운 섹스.

오늘도 나는 그것을 생각하며 글을 쓰고 있는 나는 대한민국의 행복한 서른 한살의 미혼 여자다.

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글.김얀
일러스트.kovelee
 
 
 
프린트하기 이메일보내기 미투데이 트위터 잇글링
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jihye1805 2012/01/26 12:14

김얀님의 첫 기고 축하 드립니다~~ㅎㅎ 멋지심 킴얀~~!! >0<//
앞으로도 더 좋은글… 멋진글… 기대하겠습니다.
익을수록 고개를 숙이는 벼같은 멋지고 무게있는 작가님으로 거듭 나시길~~ㅎㅎ

youheeyeol 2012/01/26 12:33

갇혀있는 섹스에게 자유를 허하라!!! 섹스도 양지로 나와 광합성 받을 자격이 있다!!! 보아하니 김얀께서 그리 해주시려고 이리도 알차고 재미지며 호기심 가득한 글을 쓰시는거군요~ 앞으로 기대 많이 하겠어요!!! 그대에게 간곡하게 부탁하오니 섹스를 언제 어디서나 편하고 즐겁게 이야기 할 수 있게 해주세요~~~ㅋㅋㅋ

parkgabri 2012/01/26 12:57

김얀님의 한겨례 투고를 진심으로 추카합니다. 블로그도 넘 재밌게 봤었는데 이렇게 한겨레에 글을 올리게 되어 제일처럼 기쁘네요 앞으로도 발기찬 이야기와 유익한 정보로 많은 이들의 사랑을 받는 김얀 작가님이 되시길 진심으로 기원합니다. 한겨레 김얀 모두 화이팅입니다~^^

ziyaa09 2012/01/26 13:46

언젠가 정말 섹스앤더시티를 보면서 우리나라도 좀 섹스에 대해서 당당하고 밝은 글들이 나오지 않는지에 대해서 항상 의문을 품었는데(그 비슷한 작품은 너무 에두른 글들이라서..)
드디어 김얀님이 시작하시는 거 같아 너무 기대됩니다 ^^
앞으로 김얀님의 발칙한 섹스칼럼 기다리고 있겠어요

hj8199 2012/01/26 13:48

우아-* 이제 여기서도 김얀작가님 글을 볼수있군요~!!! 아 1탄이라 감질나네요!!!!
블로그에서 매주 눈빠지게 기다리고 있는거 아시죠!!!! 편하고 쉽고 재미나고 속시원한 글 빵빵 많이 써주시길 기대 잔뜩 하고 있습니다~!^0^ 화이팅!

deje 2012/01/26 14:10

원고 내용으로 인해 마광수, 장정일처럼 고발당하거나 검찰 기소 당하면 킴얀님 팬들이 누구보다 먼저 도와드릴 거예요~

쫄지마!

alfmqhd35 2012/01/26 16:24

김얀!! 흥미로운 글 잘 보았습니다.
재미있어요. 다음 회가 기대 됩니다. 음하하하하~~~^^
멋진 그림도 한 몫 하네요..
짱짱짱!!!

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 16:54

한겨례 서버가 와이리 늦노요…

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 16:54

아 인자 되네 ㅡㅡ;

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 16:55

김얀 작가님 투이터에서도 좃은글 많이 쓰시드만 인자 한겨례에서 뵙겠네예~ 애독하겠습니데이~ 그라고 한겨례는 서버좀 업글하셈요…

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 16:58

아 저건 오타네요… 오타…ㅡㅡㅋ

iris0210 2012/01/26 17:07

저도 행복한 서른 한살의 미혼여자예요.
은근 동질감이 생겨 덧글을 남겨봅니다.

어찌보면 은밀한 이야기를 이렇게 담대하게 그리고 재밌게 쓰다니!!
다음회도 기다릴게요^^

sapid 2012/01/26 17:17

마냥 연예인이 좋아 보던 잡지나 스포츠신문 구석에, 어쩌다 보게된 장면이나 들은 얘기들 속에서 섹스는 항상 남성 위주의, 난잡하고 폭력적인.. 이미지가 많아서 은연중에 피하기도 하고 싫어하게 된 이야기중 하나였어요. 하지만 김얀님이 이전에 써오던 여행기와 칼럼에서 조금씩 그런 거부감을 떨치게 된 와중에 또하나의 방식으로 정기적인 칼럼을 들을 수 있게되어 매우 기쁘고 감사해졌습니다.
앞으로 더 예쁘고, 대담하며, 사랑스러운, 이야기들 기대할게요-

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:26

킴쟉가님 그나저나 투이터나 블로그(?)에서 올려주셧던것처럼 썅콤발랄한 글 여기서도 볼 수 있는거 맞는가요? 신문이라 쩜 걱정도 되는데…

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:28

여튼… 한국의 캐리 브래드쇼 처럼 유명한 작가가 되시…

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:28

이봐요 저 알바 아니라구요 -_- 킴얀작가 만세!!!

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:30

선리플 후감상… 인자 글좀 보게쓰미닼ㅋㅋㅋ

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:30

아 그림좀 야한거로 넣어주셈요 담부터…

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:36

결혼한 사람들은 일상처럼 하는 것이 섹스라는건 촘 아닌거 같아요… [일상=일년에상주는날]만 하는 뜻이 아니라면..

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:38

성교육은 물론 ‘섹스’라는 단어도 뱉아내면 부끄러운 우리나라에 한줄기 단비와 같은 이런 칼럼을 쓰시는 킴얀작가님을 진심으로 사랑합… 아 너무 알바 같아 다시…

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:40

글 잘볼께요. 저는 참말로 알바 아니고 팬이거든요… 댓글많은 글로 올라와뿟네예… 이런…

maverickyoon 2012/01/26 17:42

여튼예~ 부산에서 글 잘보고 응원하겠습니다 킴얀 작기님예~ 참말로 유명한 작가님이 되셔가꼬 영화도 만들고 그라이소예~ 킴얀작가 만만세~!!!

waterlily0 2012/01/26 17:50

공들여 쓰신글을 몇분만에 읽어버려야 한다니
미안한 마음 먼저 듭니다.
숨기고 감춰야하는 우리에게,
당신같은 사람 나타나줘서 고마워요 .
쓴다 는것이 얼마나 고통스러울지 저 같은사람은 상상도 못하겠네요 .
마감하고 마감하고 마감하는것이 한달을 옥죄고 오더라도
원하시는 책 출판하시는 날까지 힘내시길 바랍니다
잘하는것 자신있는것 즐기면서 하세요 .
좋아하는 일 하는 사람이 몇 이나 되겠어요 .? 그것만으로 부러운데요 .
화이팅.

tg5222 2012/01/26 18:27

지금껏 유교적인 틀에 갇혀 감추어 오거나 혹은 감추고 싶었던..남녀를 떠나 인간 본연의 욕망에 대해 감히 여자(?)로서 담담하면서도 재밌게 풀어 쓴 내용에 박수를..짝짝짝!!

choggn 2012/01/27 03:20

어라…….

broadcaster 2012/01/27 11:51

사람들이라면 누구나 생각만 하고 감히 입 밖으로는 거론하지 못 하는 말을 서슴없이 당당하게 얘기하고 표현하는 김얀님이 너무 자랑스럽습니다. 제 아무리 외국의 문화를 받아들이지 못한 한국인이라 할지라도 생각만큼은 늘 해오던 글이라 정말 한 편의 소설같다고 말씀 드리고 싶습니다. 인생을 소설같이 사는 김얀님. 앞으로 좋은 글 많이 부탁드리고 새로운 경험을 해 보지 못하는 사람들에게 더 새롭게 많은 것을 알려 주셨으면 좋겠습니다. 김얀님 화이팅!!

lor5947 2012/01/27 14:16

발랄한 아가씨군요.., 그 젊음과 용기가 부럽습니다.^^
많은 사람들의 공감을 이끌어 낼 수 있는 글 기대하겠습니다.

tmdfmqhd 2012/01/27 14:18

우리나라 여자들은 섹스 앤 더 시티를 꼬박꼬박 챙겨 보면서도 어디 앞에서 이 쪽에 관한 이야기를 하기가 쉽지가 않은 것 같던데..(물론 끼리끼리는 하겠지만..) 드디어 이렇게 재치있고 색기 발랄한 여성분이 나와주셨네요. 전문가도 아니고 다른 칼럼니스트들 처럼 뜬구름 잡는 소리 없이 편안하게 글을 쓰시는 것 같아서 바로 팬이 되었습니다^^ 앞으로도 기대하겠습니다.

    tmdfmqhd 2012/01/27 14:21

    아..사실 저는 이전부터 트위터 팔로우 하고 있었습니다..^^

mintmk 2012/01/27 15:06

오호~ 완전 기대되는 칼럼 이네용.
작가분 글을 참 맛있게 쓰시는듯.
앞으로 많이 기대 할께용…

mintmk 2012/01/27 15:29

이 공간 에서라도 우리들의 달콤한 섹스 이야기를 저속 하지 않고 속시원하게 표출되었으면 좋겠네요

qjatoddl11 2012/01/27 16:17

김얀님 다음회가 기대되네요 ~
글을너무잘쓰시는것 같아요,. 앞으로 재밌는 글부탁드려요

skillpro 2012/01/27 19:04

남성의 경우도 물론 여성의 경우도 성에 관한 언급은 그리쉽지만은 않은 생활속에
살아가면서 해보게되는 당연한 행위속 생활에 당당하고 솔직해질 필요가 있는다는 생각이 드네요~
단점보단 장점이 많은 내용들 기대 많이 할께요~ ㅋㅋ

loveapple27 2012/01/27 20:07

칼럼의 소재도 소재지만..글을 읽어내려가는데 전혀 막힘이 없는 김얀님의 글솜씨가 참 대단하다는
생각이 듭니다. 시작이 이러한데 앞으로 펼쳐질 내용들은 어떨지.. 정말 정말 기대됩니다.^^

lovelyskunk 2012/01/27 23:02

짝짝짝!!! 첫 기고 축하드리고 앞으로 김얀 작가님처럼 거침없고 솔직한 이야기들 기대할게요

yongaya 2012/01/31 22:09

첫 기고인데… 김얀님의 칼럼을 묶어서 책으로 보고 싶다는 생각이 드네요~~
앞으로도 흥미롭고 생각할 수 있는 얘기 많이 부탁드려요~~ 화이팅!!

lunarlena99 2012/02/04 18:02

칼럼 잘보고 있어요 김얀작가님! 더욱 자유롭게 멋진 글 부탁합니다!!

lky5790 2012/02/13 03:11

멋지내요 행복한 삶 만이만이 전해줘용

sungeun0213 2012/03/01 18:04

ㅠ ㅠ 우와 .열심히 읽을게요

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mad80 2012/01/27 10:12

남자와 여자는 먹고 싸고 파고 뀌고 자는 다른 점보단 같은 점이 많은 인간입니다.


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